Disclaimer: this has gotta be the cockiest thing I’ve written in my entire life, short of to a high school teacher who insisted to my class that John Steinbeck was one of the greatest British authors who ever trod the sod. If you want a great laugh at my expense–and who doesn’t?–skip to the end of the page and read Stackfault’s comment. I stand corrected and utterly humbled. You da man, Stackfault.
I open my email this morning to find the following gem:
Subject: Don’t Ignore Top Ranking On Google.
The harsh reality of today’s business world is that you have to be on top of google
If you are ignoring that… then your competition is beating you every second, because customers are searching for your services every second and guess what you are not there.
We are ex google employees and we know google inside out. Right now we are accepting new clients for a very short time at discounted price. Get back to us and we can discuss further.
We also provide Creative Web design And Development services.
And my response:
Dear [Blithering Idiot],
Hmm…”ex google employees”…well, I can certainly understand why. But as it happens, my blog IS on top of Google. Number seven with a bullet.
So I have earth-shattering news for you: given that I essentially pimp out my free time in front of a keyboard, right now I’m also accepting new clients for a very short time “at discounted price” of, say, ninety bucks an hour. Since you offer “Creative Web design And Development services” even though your solicitation is riddled with typos, your credibility is questionable and you’re clearly in need of editorial help. Get back to me and we can discuss further.
I remain your humble servant,
Yeah, yeah…it’s obviously broadcast spam. Sometimes, though, it’s a good writing warmup to give these fools a taste of the whip-chain. And hell, in early retirement it’s important to keep oneself busy.