Chapter Four: Waking Up in Jail

Aside from the maniacal laughter, I liked that whole scene. Fun times. It reminded me of the last birthday party I went to, especially the part where I woke up the next morning in jail with an axe murderer.

Now, THAT’S a funny story.

Not, of course, that all jail stories are funny. Jail’s a terrible place to wake up in with an axe murderer, especially if you don’t care for jail or axe murderers. And the food is horrific—no sushi, no birthday cake, no homicidal tentacles…no, in jail you’re lucky if on on your birthday a cockroach hands you a lit match before piddling on your mattress. “Make a wish,” etc.

Pro tip: if you’re in jail and a cockroach tells you to make a wish, wish for the cockroach to drop dead of an aneurism. Maybe it’ll work. Probably not, but maybe.

My jail story goes like this:

Birthday parties are fraught with peril. In my experience when you’re at a birthday party it’s always wise to keep an eye on the other guests at all times, because when they all drop their cake and bolt for the door…

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